Hood to Coast Relay

This last weekend I did the Hood to Coast relay with 11 of my coworkers. The Hood to Coast relay consists of 12 runners, running a total of 36 legs over 197 miles. This means each runner runs 3 legs and each leg ranges from 4 to 7.8 miles. There are teams who will do this relay in 15 to 16 hours, a blistering fast pace averaging a mile every five minutes! We were not that team. Our team was out there to have a great time, get some running in, and get very little sleep.
Since many people ask me if we are crazy, or missing some screws, the answer has to be an emphatic YES! I have many crazies that I like to be around too, if that is true. What made me realize we are all nuts was a conversation had after we finished.
At the end we were all around a campfire at the beach house that our company rented for us, and all of the runners were talking about how happy we were that the race was over. It took us 31 hours to complete it and we had about 2.5 hours of sleep. It was brutal, some of the team could hardly walk, others had stomach issues (lost their lunch), runners being yelled at by crazies, another crazy woman chased one of our team mates with a dead snake (yeah, seriously). We were all thankful to be done! I then posed the question to the group “Are you going to do it next year? Everyone in the group responded with a hell yes. Not just a yeah sure, but a HELL YA, had a blast, would do it again! So, yes, we are all crazy, we punish ourselves with running on little or no sleep, sleeping in vans with 6 of your team mates who haven’t showered since their last run, but we all want to toe the line together next year.
Now that we have it out on the table that I am crazy, let’s talk about the relay.
As I mentioned the relay consists of a team of twelve, and the common way to logistically handle this is to have two vans, each with six runners in it. You decide who is in each van by assigning legs to each runner. Each runner runs every 12th leg. For example, if you run leg 10, you will also run 22 and 34. Each leg group is rated by level of difficulty. You take your strongest runner and assign them the hardest legs, and work your way down the list. Then, you take legs 1-6 runners and they go in one van, then legs 7-12 go in van 2. I ran legs 10, 22 and 34.
Our team started the race at 8 in the morning on Friday at the start line on Mount Hood. Van 1 had to meet at our office at 5 AM in order to check in and be at the start line at 8 AM. We estimated van 1 would be finished with their first legs around 1 PM, but it was possible for a noon finish for them. Knowing that traffic around the relay can be horrible, we decided to take off early. We all met at the office and left at 9 AM. All of us knew we would probably be there too early, but we did not want the last runner for van 1 waiting for us at the transition.
We arrived at the exchange point about two hours early. The good thing was it was at a Fred Meyer, which allowed us to go in and do some last minute shopping. Also, our van driver, Susan, picked up a football. We played football while we waited. We ended up having runners from other vans coming over and playing with us. One of the guys we played with was flown in from Belgium by Nike. He was a Nike employee and we found out Nike flies in employee’s from all over the world to run in the relay (Nike is the main sponsor). This guy’s team was all Belgium. We found out Nike has over 30 teams running in this relay. These teams range from people who run at our speed to some very competitive teams. Nike usually has the winning team, but Adidas and Brooks always brings good competition to keep them honest.
Finally we received the call from our team mates that their last runner was on the course and close to us. It was our time for action! We were all getting excited and you could tell by the nervous tension of everyone. We stopped playing around and everyone got to making sure they had everything in line, we changed in to our running gear and just hung out.
At the exchange Robin took over and we talked with van 1 for a few. They were jazzed and they showed us how the tool which keeps track of each runners leg and speed worked. This was the preferred method, otherwise it had to be done manually, which was a pain in the ass. Todd and I, the gadget geeks, checked it out and thought it was pretty cool.
The gadget to track our time didn’t last long. It is ran on a Palm device and somehow we managed to shatter the screen on it, and it was completely broken! That sucked!!!! This meant a arduous manual process of tracking everybody’s legs, time, pace, etc.
We had a lot of learning and growing pains. Robb, the guy who ran the legs before mine went on the first section where cars can’t follow the runner. We found a spot about 1.5 miles from the next exchange to stop and cheer him on. After he went by, we scurried off to the next exchange. The traffic was horrible and the parking lot was small. We were lucky enough to find a spot right next to the runners exchange. I got out of the van, I needed to use the restroom and fill up my water bottle before Robb showed up. I knew I was tight for time as he is a pretty quick runner, probably running in the 8 minute per mile range. I hopped out of the van and I went to fill my water bottle and I heard our team number called, which meant our guy was here. Oh crap!!! I grabbed a cold water bottle and ran to the exchange and grabbed the wrist strap from Robb. The wrist strap is the baton in this relay, and the active runner has to be wearing it. I took off running, my back teeth are floating I have to pee so bad! It is strictly against the Hood to Coast rules to urinate, defecate or litter on private property. If you get caught, your team is immediately disqualified and pulled from the course! Well, luckily for me, I was on Rails to Trails, which is public property. I ran about 300 yards, there was nobody in front of or behind me, so I pulled up to a blackberry bush and gave it some water that it desperately needed. Ahhhh, much better!
The other problem, I had been sitting in the van for three hours and I hopped out and took off running, no stretching or warming up. The entire leg felt like my legs were on fire and my muscles just wanted to pull apart and snap! It was one of the worst runs I have ever had. I was fine on the speed, nothing horrible, but the pain was outrageous at times, and it was a hot and humid day. I have ran in hot, just the week before I ran 5 miles in 101 degree heat. This was 84 degrees and I was suffering much worse.
The other two legs were fairly uneventful for me. However the experience is one that will not be forgotten anytime soon. The dynamics of our van was excellent! Everyone got along really well (or was I the annoying jerk who didn’t realize everyone hates him?). We had plenty of jokes going around and nobody bit anybody’s head off. Although as the night passed and we were getting exhausted, our words didn’t always come out right. For example at one point Emily and Robb were in the back of the van and they were talking about something, don’t recall, and just as Todd was hopping in to the van, Emily says to Robb “is it completely hard?” Todd looks at me with this horrified face, and I told him to just keep his eyes forward. He and I were busting up laughing while Emily and Robb didn’t even realize what was said and how bad it sounded! Many other moments like that as the trip went on.
One of the big things Hood to Coast teams do is decorate their vans. I never realized how “adult” the event was. The rules of Hood to Coast is nothing vulgar of flagrantly sexual. Basically nothing a cop would ticket you for. One van was offering FREE Messages between your legs. When I saw this van, we were on leg 35, so our team is 29 hours in to the race, I have ran 18 miles, and I am on 2 hours of sleep. I look at the van and immediately I am going, oh, how sweet, maybe they will set up a table or massage chair, they must be sponsored by a salon or massage place. My legs could really take a massage right now, my hamstrings are killing me! Yeah, I was actually sitting here thinking about it, looking for a table or chair, wondering who was sponsoring them, etc. I am looking and then I realize, wait, who the hell would do that, the race is grueling enough, those guys are crazy to give messages between each leg of the race. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. They were offering a free massage between “my legs”! I was dying laughing, I was so stupid.
Some of the other memorable van sayings or mascots:
A van with a giant slug on the top of it, on the side it said, “love my slug”
Found 1 toenail, pick up at the finish line (ouch!)
Show us your “besticles” This was a van full of dr’s (allegedly)
A van sponsored by Honey Bucket (the porta potties here in Portland). They slogan “We can handle a lot of crap”
I love lesbians
The Las Vegas Virgins (11 girls, and 1 Elvis). The women were dressed in a sudo cancan outfit, small bra and all.
Several blow up dolls mounted on the cars (wearing shorts to avoid indecency).
Barbie dolls doing all kinds of nasty things. Ken got lucky too!
Starting out slow, fizzling out.
This van has two speeds, slow and slower than this.
As you can see, these are not the most kid friendly get ups. However, this is not something you would have your kid along on.

Sleeping arrangements. Almost all of the teams slept at the major exchange points where the vans actually crossed each other to pass the baton. The first night exchange we came across, we pulled in to a field, and immediately realized there are people laying on the ground all over, just passed out. When driving we had to be careful not to run over somebody’s head or foot. People were not hiding behind vehicles, etc. they were just wherever they could find space, and sometimes in some pretty precarious places. When we got to our place to sleep, we weren’t so brave, we positioned the van so we could sleep while being protected by two vehicles. It worked great! We had about 5 hours from the time we handed the baton to the van 1 runner until we were up again in each set. During our rest that started at about 5 AM, we drove up to our next exchange and used a field there for sleeping. This took about an hour or so. Once we got there, we all got arranged, used the restroom, and hit the sack. Van 1 called us saying they were close, like 45 minutes. Yeah, they were 1.5 hours out! So our sleep was cut short, and we were not happy campers because this is the second time they did that to us! URGH!!!!! We were grumpy about that. However, I have to say that was about the biggest team conflict we had.
So, yes, runners are a crazy and horny breed, and now you know.